Beatles- Don't let me down

Dreams

It is quite strange what I dream about at times. Since I was a child I would dream about the craziest things. I am known for crazy dreams. I remember waking up in the mornings and my ex asked, oh no Jen, what was it last night!
Through the years I noticed, if it's just one little thing that I see, and it kind of tickles my fancy it will show up in my dream. No matter if it’s an animal, person, peace of art……. Not like other people I remember the tiniest detail of my dreams. Everything seems so detailed. Mostly everything is in color, and at times I can even smell, which only happened twice, and was in the last month.
From the age of 17-19 I would have those really weird dreams that my teeth would fall out. I actually looked it up and it means sudden death in your family. Thank god that never happened. Before that I would have dreams that I wasn’t wearing shoes.
As a child I had the biggest fantasy ever, which honestly I think is really good, but it was also huge in my dreams. Crazy I tell you. I really didn’t have many bad dreams, mostly good ones, and it puts the biggest smile on my face.
My dreams in the last two weeks have all been based on my subconscious. I think it is really amazing! There are things that I really don’t think about, but actually do!So last night’s dream was the craziest of all. I am not going into any details, haha but it was the most amazing dream I have ever had!!!! I honestly never imagined I could of have a dream like this. So what is my subconscious telling me with that?

Like I said, it's all fucking good!!!

Don't like him, think the lyrics are ridiculous but there is something about the beat, which just makes it all ok for me again. This beat for some reason has me jumping up and down, and makes me feel just perfect, whatever that is!!!

I am acutally happy, let it sound selfish but I am done with being the nice BITCH, it's Jen time, so stupid people including my fucked up ex.... fuck you! Live is to short for all your drama!

Relax it's all good

So this past weekend was spent in my bed, by myself and huuuuge migrane.

It was a nasty weekend, it rained and we had quite a storm going on yesterday. Plus me having the biggest migrane ever, I was an emotional wreck. Nothing new, haha when I am pms'ing, plus I was watching some stupid chick flix.

It is crazy but sometimes it really get's to me. I can make myself really sad, specially when I am watching stupid romantic flix, haha! Wow crazy...., I am considering to go back on birth control so I'll be less emotional during that time of the month.

The last few weeks were quite stressful, but I am managing quite good.

Actually thinks are not as bad as I make them seem, but it's because I have never had to face anything like this before. So you figure, family and friends would understand. They do, and are awesome at the same time, thank you so much guys, I love you!

But please, my "real" family meaning my Father's side really makes me wonder what family is. No disrespect but fuck it!!!!! It's all talk... I am over that, because I should of known better!

I know who my family is, and who my true friends are, and that's all that matters to me!

I received this email from Missy earlier in the day.

So beautiful thank you sweets!

This is for you, my best friend,

the one person i can tell my soul too

Who can relate to me like no other

Who I can laugh with to no extents,

Who I can cry too when times are tough,

Who can help me with the problems of my life.
Never have you turned your back on me Or told me I wasnt good enough

Or let me down
I don't think you know what that means to me

You have went through so much pain and you still have time For me.

And I love you for listening even when inside YOU are dying

And I look up too you because you are strong, and caring and beautiful.

Even though you don't think you are.
And I hope you know that I am always here

To listen to you laugh and cry and help In all the ways that i can

And I will try to be at least half the friend you are To me.
I hope you know I would not be the person I am today, with out you.

My best friend

Matisyahu

So yes the day has finally arrived. I saw MATISYAHU in concert AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!! I went with my most favorite person, Schlumpfine ( that’s not her real name haha, but she sure is one). How we got to the concert was some trip. We were lucky with the traffic, but once we got there we started having a few drinks. Totally tipsy we were on our way to find a bathroom. While waiting in line, we noticed that we had to be the oldest people there. Seriously all I saw were little kiddys.
It seemed like I was the biggest Matis fan there, all the other kids were there for the other group. Oh my I could not even recognize myself, being this excited. As I was just about to go to the bathrooms again, everybody got loud, and Matis came on the stage. For some reason I started screaming, haha I was so hyper.

I have to explain. I LOVE MATISYAHU!!! His style, the way he performs, his lyrics and the message he is trying to bring into the world with it. His lyrics are actually real, not like other bull you hear from other artists. It’s about the real life, world, and the history of Judaism.

Once he started performing I was in my own little zone. I was just really into it. Although I was so hyper, I felt so calm, watching him dancing over the stage in his traditional wardrobe.
I started to get annoyed by those little boys behind u, they honestly looked like little Ja-zs and Tony Hwaks. Anyway, really immature kids. Starting to talk about Jewish people, and really stupid stuff. Wow they really pissed me off, so I blew them my opinion, and lectured them. I should known better, but those little kids have no idea about anything. This one guy got really nasty and quite racist. I have a really weird view of all that. It pisses me of when people discriminate like that. So it kind of turned into a religious argument, but all this little kid said, was fuck you, fuck you! If it would of not been for Missy, I seriously would of jumped on him and punched him. Haha me, the girl that has never been in a girl fight before, wants to beat up a guy.
I was really close though!!!
Anyway Matis was amazing, awesome artist, and I love his style of reggae. The other group was ok, but when they called Matis back on stage for a song I went crazy again! What a fucking awesome night. People def. thought I was crazy, and let m tell you, I am, lol, in a good way.

I took pics and videos, but they turned out 2 crazy!

I hope you get it now!

Jen Jen!!!!!

This past two weeks have been CRAZY!!! In a good and bad way.

Right now I am writing from my laptop, which somehow broke last week! My screen is broken, yes parents if you read this, it's broken, go ahead and say it "good old Jenny". It's ok though!!!

Work was a bit stressful, but very interesting. I learned a lot of new things. Last wednesday I met a woman, who has no sense of smell, she was such an interesting and intelligent woman amazing! It really makes me think, how would it be if I wouldn't be able to have a sense of smell? My nose is so sensitive, sometimes too much because I smell every little thing. I remeber when I wasyounger I would always wash my hands because I didn't like the smell of them, haha! I love smelling on flowers, love he smell of fesh baked bread, the smell of perfume, yummi and not to forget the smell of cologne on a man. The best smell EVER.

For some reason I couldn't sleep the last few nights. I spent my nights reading.

Last night I went Bar hopping. This is new for me, I am a dancer and a club hopper. It was a lot of fun! We probably went to 7 different bars. It was nice, really casual for a change. Jeans white tank top, flats and a gucci bag and no make-up, (which i don't even need right now am so tanned). After 1 vodka/coke yuck nasty and half of a margarita i was more than tipsy! I have to say I love British men awww those accents. But most of the time you have to realize that they are far away from handsome, argh to bad.

On the way to a diferen bar we past a book store. The line outside of the bokstore was sooooooo long, with all the Harry Potter fans waiting for the new book.

After two more vodka tonics I was totally out, haha. Jen Jen I there is a first time for everything. I had an awesome time with a lot of cool people. On the way back home on the tube, I almost fell asleep. I have no idea how I made it home, I was so out of it, and HUNGRY, haha.

Today I just chilled at the local pool to soak up some sun.

On my way back I stopped in an amazing art gallery. So many beautiful pieces. There was one that caught my eye. A really nice modern piece of Billy Holiday. I am not a big fan of her, but what the artist did with this painting did was amazing. I asked him about the price, and just thought to myself I noooooo!!! Oh well I want it, and I should go over my budget again, and figure something out.

I steped into a little boutique with a lot of beautiful handcrafted dishes. I loved what they have done to their walls, beautiful art work. They drew flowers on the walls, and put little colorful stones and crystals on it, hot I tell you.

I should have my new studio in a bout 3 weeks, and I can't wait to decorate it. Maybe with Billy Hiliday somewhere???

That's it for now, below you see 2 videos. Naive was covered by Lilly Alen who I love, the Kooks version is good too.

What a cloud!!!

Outside of London

Good and Bad

Lately a lot of things that were happening to and around me didn’t make sense.
But it’s all getting clear now! Life is fucking awesome, but also very tough.
While waking up this morning I was thinking about how fortunate I am with everything I have.
Not everybody is as lucky as I am, and I would never take it for granted.
A lot of positive things are happening, but the one that I am most excited about is my little brother being closer to me again.
That means the world to me.
Family means the world to me, I know that I am a fashion victim, but I honestly would be happy if I had nothing at all but my family.
Being close to them is the best feeling, meaning in distance now too.
It killed me so much when my moms told me last week that my Oma had a stroke. It just hit me and I started crying right away. I don’t know what I’ll do if something really bad would ever happen to her. She is so close to me, more than family members could even imagine.
I was stuck in NJ and couldn’t do a bit besides being miserable and cry!
My parents don’t fill me in right away, never!!!! That is because I stress so easily, and I would be on the next plane home.

Take time

Take time to dream,
That is the way to the stars.
Take time to think about things,
That is the source of clarity.
Take time to laugh,
That is the music of your soul.
Take time to love,
That is the direction of life.
Take time to be friendly,
That is the gate to luck.

J.W

Tracy Chapman, Promise

If you wait for me then I'll come for you

Although I've traveled far

I always hold a place for you in my heart

If you think of me If you miss me once in awhile

Then I'll return to you

I'll return and fill that space in your heart

Remembering

Your touch

Your kiss

Your warm embrace

I'll find my way back to you

If you'll be waiting

If you dream of me like I dream of you

In a place that's warm and dark

In a place where I can feel the beating of your heart

Remembering

Your touch

Your kiss

Your warm embrace

I'll find my way back to you If you'll be waiting

I've longed for you and I have desired

To see your face your smile

To be with you wherever you are

Remembering

Your touch

Your kiss

Your warm embrace

I'll find my way back to you

Please say you'll be waiting

Together again

It would feel so good to be In your arms

Where all my journeys end

If you can make a promise

If it's one that you can keep, I vow to come for you

If you wait for me and say you'll hold

A place for me in your heart.

Mein kleines Maeuschen

Free

On Tuesday night I was sitting in front of Maddis’s house, meditating and just staring into the sky.
I find myself doing that a lot lately. The sky was so beautiful that night. It was such a pretty blue color, to the left you saw lightening, to the right there were so many beautiful stars. Right in front of me there was this huge cloud, the only one I saw in the sky. It was so puffy, huge and all lonely hanging there. It was so beautiful! I was sitting there for probably two hours and it changed its shape about 10 or more times. It was always something I could recognize. It reminded me of when I was younger and would sit in the corn fields and just stare into the sky, watching the clouds.
It makes me wonder, how it would be just to float in the air like that, to be free and change the way you look all the time. Clouds are so beautiful to me.
Sitting there was so peaceful and beautiful. It gave me a really free feeling, like you just want to get up and fly away, or dance naked in the summer rain! When I meditate at home I play really low music, which I didn’t have there. I noticed that when I do meditate in the outdoors I always hear the below played song I my head. It is so calming to me.

Plain white T's

Nassau

Nassau is so different from what I have seen so far. While we were arriving I was looking out of the window and saw the beautiful clear ocean. The closer we got to the airport, the worse it got. It looked kind of swampy and dirty. Nassau is a quite poor city, a lot of parts remind me of east new york bklyn where Maddis lived a few years ago. I actually picture some parts of Africa like this. Wherever you look you see brokedown cars in the bushes, and dogs. Me as an animal lover was so disgusted by them, yuck so skinny and full with flies. I am happy that I didn't stay in the Atlantis or Hilton, and actually saw the real life in Nassau and not what all the tourists see. It was nice to experience all this, but like Maddis, I could not live there. I have to say people are very friendly though. Most of them thought we were tourists that got lost, hehe! Their culture is so different, but i find it very interesting! I have NEVER had so many men compliment me, wow it was 2 much, and they really come up with the corniest comments. The best was "Which direction did you come from? North, east? So I can find you, did you come from heaven south or north angel?" CORNY

I have to say I had a really good time though!

Oh nooooooooooooo

I just had to, yes that's what gurls wear in the clubs over there, LOL!!!

Oh my, we drank a bit too much!!!

Me eating wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too much

On the right you see conch which is sooo tasty!!!

Me, with a Jonkanau hat, quite hard to balance that thing !!!

This is the cemetary where Anna is burried

Riding the bus in Nassau

Concert for Diana

Thanks to a hangover we were able to watch the concert for the Princess of Wales DIANA. Not a big fan of Puffy, but this man had me tearing, might sound corny to some, but if you grew up in Europe the British royal family is closer to you than any other royal family. Awesome performance PUFFY! Even if you don't like him u better watch this

Nassau Bahamas

My flight to Nassau must of been my best flight ever! Jet Blue, I think is a great airline. What I really enjoyed was watching Direct TV, awesome I tell you! If you are not pleased with the tv channels you can order a movie, and you pay by swiping your credit card next to the monitor in the seat in front of you. Really entertaining I thought, plus you have so much legroom. Arriving in Nassau Maddis was there already waiting for me. It was good to see her again. That day I saw a lot of Nassau. We took the bus to Downtown Nassau, where most of the tourists are. HAHA taking the bus here is a whole different world. First of all the buses are quite small, and have 2 seats on the right side, and 1 on the left. On the right side there is an extra seat attached in case the bus gets crowded you can fold it out. Meaning that if you sit in the back everybody has to get up so you can exit the bus. Crazy atmosphere on the bus! Every bus plays quite loud reggae music. You can get off wherever you like all you have to shout is "bus stop", you give the diver 1$ and then you get off.
THIS IS FOR ALL THE INSECURE GIRLS OUT THERE! Bahamian men are women crazy, no matter how old there are! I think it's so annoying, seriously plus they are really not good looking, maybe it would be different if I actually was attracted to black males, which is not the case!
At night time we went to the Bay and had grilled conch, it was ok but I do prefer the conch fritters. Lol Bahamian food is really tasty, but expensive also. My first day here, I ate what I would usually eat in 2 or three days, haha i actually had 3 meals in 1 day, when was that the last time?
Saturday was the best day so far. We left the house @ around 8 to catch the bus to go to the beach. It's supposoly the nastiest beach in the Bahamas, but I tell you the water was beautiful. Later on in the day Nello and a friend of his had picked us up and our tour started. We started at the cemetery where Anna Nicole Smith is buried. As we were waiting there a man came out of a tinted Van, telling us that we could not go see her grave, and that the woman by her grave right now is Howard Stern's sister. She looked like a coc head, really bad, oh well plus she was all said. So the security guard told us we couldn't go on, but Nello's friend had sweet talked her. Usually only family members can visit the grave. I had 2 leave my camera in the car though!
After that we went to the most beautiful beach I have been to in years, awwww CRAZY.
Later in the day we had went 2 the fishfray were there had a parade. Nello was constantly ripping jokes about how this 1 crazy dressed up dancer had to be Brandon, since he prob. flew over here to stalk me. Oh my I was on the floor from laughters.
I think we started drinking @ around noon. Wow I have never done that b4, yes I am a virgin to a lot of things, haha. To my surprise I did not get tipsy until late at night when we went out. Maddis and I went back to this fishfray, with Nello's cousin who had 2 watch over us, lol. That was good though, there are 2 many crazy heads out here, and I know my pops would feel good about that, haha.
At night time we went to some Bahamian CLUB Oh my fucking God, they are like monkeys in there, crazy I tell you, and it's not like they dance, kind of more fucking on the dance floor!
It is nice to be away from home, no phone that bothers me, I am loving it. But it does make me think a lot.